The point of this journal is not necessarily to reach a “yes,” but rather to support you in reaching a “yes” or a “no” from a fully connected place. Write down an action that you are telling yourself you have to do or that you think have no choice about. Are these feelings different from the ones you experienced at the time, or in step 5? Greetings fellow NVC addicts, fanatics and trainers!I host a weekly NVC practice group at my house these days, and at it I've come upon the idea of a strategy that I hope would meet needs for abundance of possibilities and choice. This is similar to focusing on the need without it being met or unmet, but may be experienced differently. What needs are you hoping to meet by saying “no”? Whenever our capacity in a certain area is not matching our desire, we face a dual challenge: Title Feelings Wheel 2011 Feelings Wheel (1) Author Bret Stein Created Date 20120104213426Z 12. Stay with this activity until you sense a settling inside yourself. Now shift your attention to the need itself. For writing, reflection, buddy conversations or real life. What’s alive now? What sensations do you notice in your body? Guidelines for Sharing NVC Learn Nonviolent Communication What is NVC? (Noticing complexity of emotions underneath anger) Now connect fully with this new need you have just identified. If you have gone back more than once, ask yourself what need(s) of yours you are meeting by “choosing” to respond with anger. 5. Notice and note both emotions and physical sensations in your body. How do you envision securing their agreement to receive it? Write down what it is in observations (without judgments). (or: What would it give me if this need were met? The Four Ds of DisconnectionInspired by the work of Marshall Rosenberg and Lucy LeuEach of the 4 Ds is a tragic expression of an unmet need.Category Meaning Behavior/Example Form DIAGNOSIS Judging, labeling "You are lazy and only care about Who is what? Not to the idea of having the need met, but to the need itself; to the fact of having a need. All that is important is that the initial reaction was a “no.” Write down the situation and request, then explore your responses to the following questions (Note: this is a 2-page worksheet). What are you telling yourself (what are you thinking, or what are judgments you’re having) about the request and/or about yourself or the other person that is leading you to experience a “no”? 10. What is your understanding of the other person’s feelings and needs that led to their request? One of the most important contributions of Marshall Rosenberg’s work on Nonviolent Communication is the realization that our feelings are merely indicators, letting us know when our Life-Needs are being met, and when they are going unmet. For each need or dream that you write down, take a moment to connect fully with the need independently of whether that need will ever be met. Needs Inventory The following list of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive. When you consider saying “no” to the request, what feelings and needs come up? a. c. Which needs of yours were met by this action? Are there any needs of yours that are met by connecting with your needs right now? We offer training, mediation, and facilitation to individuals and organizations using the skills and consciousness of Nonviolent Communication. Reflect on your feelings, needs, and any requests you have of yourself in this moment. You can say to yourself: “I have a need for _____,” and repeat this phrase until you are fully connected with the experience of having the need. What is it like for you when this need is met? Do you have any insights from doing this journal that you would like to write down? If yes, write them down. e. How do you feel and what needs arise after exploring these questions? Welcome,” and repeat this phrase until you are fully connected with the experience of having encountered this need. (You might want to close your eyes and focus inwardly while you do this.) (identifying the stimulus for anger) Needs words are our conscious mind that … Take a moment to breathe and check in with yourself again. What needs of yours are giving rise to these thoughts? Needs Wheel (71K) Words that point to universal needs, grouped based on our integration of the work of Marshall Rosenberg, Spiral Dynamics, and Manfred Max-Neef. You could either ask for a reflection to ensure that the person heard the appreciation without any judgment, or to hear what it was like for this person to receive your appreciation to support full connection between you. 4. What sensations do you notice in your body? Or: What’s important to me about having this need met? The proverbial squeaky wheel, rather than the wheel that’s turning, gets the grease. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a process of connecting with people in a way that allows everyone’s needs to be met through empathizing with the universal needs we all share. 7. What feelings arise? For purposes of this journal, what you chose to say in the end is not the essential component. 6. The most important thing in each moment is self‐ awareness and loving self‐connection. What needs are you trying to meet by not sharing this with the person? 5. (You might want to close your eyes and focus inwardly while you do this.) e. You can also do the exact same thing with yourself: what have you done that you are grateful for and what needs were met? Take a few moments to fully connect with this need. For each of the above, think of at least 2 observations that lead you to this conclusion, and link each of these observations to why it matters (i.e., the need that’s at stake). How do you feel in relation to what you did? 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